At the employment agency, the administrator said, Heres a
requisition that might be suited to your particular talents. Its a
cashier position at the Convenience Store of the Soul.
Is that like 7-11? asked Rhoda.
Oh yes, and much more, said the administrator, a faraway
look in her eyes.
On the first day of Rhodas new job at the convenience store, the
manager informed her that she was now a member of the League of
What is that, some sort of union? asked Rhoda.
No, theyre more of a cabal embodying the spirits of sales
clerks past and present. Now as part of your orientation, youll need to
read the Employee Handbook. He dropped a big black dusty tome onto the
counter, next to a rack of snack chips and gum. Rhoda looked at a few pages of
the handbook, on which were scrawled ancient hieroglyphic symbols.
Youll have time to read that on your lunch hour, said the
manager. But for now wed like you to get started behind the
counter. I hope you realize what a privilege it is to be working here in the
Convenience Store of the Soul, a limitless emporium of spiritual
Yes sir, said Rhoda.
A customer walked to the counter with a plastic bottle of cola and
handed Rhoda a five-dollar bill, expecting change. The manager ran a price
scanner over the arm of the shopper, looked at a price chart, and then gave the
customer a twenty-dollar bill. Thank you, sir, have a nice day,
said the manager, as the confused but happy customer walked out the door.
But he gave you a five-dollar bill, said Rhoda.
What we do here when returning change, Rhoda, is run a price
scanner over the skin of the customer, and then hand back the appropriate
amount, based on the vibrations emitted. That customer had done good works in
his past life, so was entitled to higher reimbursement, reflecting the
progression of his soul in the universe. said the manager.
Youll learn more about this process from your co-workers, let me
introduce you. The manager led Rhoda to a room in the back. Six people
were sitting around a dark table, a few candles providing dim light.
Hello Rhoda, we belong to the League of Metaphysical
Cashiers, and we look forward to working with you! they said in
unison while running price scanners over each others arms.
The overhead fluorescent lights brightened when a woman named Marybeth
entered the store. She was wearing a bright flowery pinafore, an aura of
sunlight glowing around her head. Marybeth stood smiling near the rotating hot
dogs and racks of sugar cookies. The universe is beautiful and we should
all revel in its abundance today, Marybeth informed Rhoda while putting a
BIG GULP 32 oz. Slurpee on the counter.
That will be $6.66, maam, said Rhoda. Marybeth gave
Rhoda a ten-dollar bill, so Rhoda needed to calculate the correct change. She
ran the price scanner over Marybeths arm.
That feels wondrous, I enjoy the pleasure of all sensory
experiences, including the tactile! gushed Marybeth as the electronic
device moved along her skin and then started beeping, a message appearing on
its register saying Please see the Manager.
The manager quickly appeared, looked at Marybeth, and said, To
enable your karma progression, you need to pay in spiritual terms for the evil
sins of your past incarnation. One of the many services provided by the
Convenience Store of the Soul.
Two members of the League of Metaphysical Cashiers emerged
from the convenience stores back room and took Marybeth into custody. The
clouds outside burst and thunder roared as the back room morphed into a tangled
thicket of vines and snakes. Marybeths eyes filled with darkness as she
sneered, A convenience store? You have not been CONVENIENT today!
The two figures led her back through the doorway, to her seething destiny.
Next customer in line, please, said Rhoda.