More Poems by Joshua Coetzee
Why Me , I Don't Want This Gift
I find myself in a self imposed exile from life.
Things which once gave me joy now give me none at all.
For I pay penance for past grievous hideous sins.
The charges against me, I thought long forgotten, only visiting me in dreams from time to time being not remembered by that first cup of coffee.
The dreams come more frequent now with detail that would make reality seem a dream.
Drugs replace the first cup of coffee in the morning.
The innocence died many years ago when in other's eyes, I began to see there truth, not a dream , like I was there.
Now I will die daily in mine, paying the price for a gift I NEVER WANTED.
I dream now when awake
and wish I could go back to sleep.
* * *
It seems now like an event, when in fact it was no more than a logical expression when words would not be spoken.
Or maybe, as I ponder it, was in fact what it seemed to be...........
Just a need to touch physically what had been a void and a desire to touch a freshness never known.
Regardless, it appears now, with sad eyes which peer through a fog lifting, that my need to savor the moment was mine alone to remember and hold.
The remembrance is shadowed by a cautious participant who had lost much in previous encounters and unlike the adventurer ...... was......
not willing to step into the fray. So here in the fray I still stand.
A moment of eternity encased in love's dawning light, a kiss shared and shared again in brevity of desire.
It is to this moment standing still do I write, lest I forget the testament to love Which we all require.
But how could I forget. Every detailed account of the event plays in my head like a record that skips upon a favorite verse, while being my solace in your absence, which you represent the softness, the care, and the reoccurring theme I miss.
Our lips touched just briefly, my heart pounding in my hands.
Not touching flesh for fear I would crush my flower. Yet desire so devoutly , so softly , so intent to intertwine with you.
but I lacked in my spirit to equate with my flesh this power.
For your fear revealed itself upon those lips unknown.
And I could not discount that fear with my own.
* * *
Silent Scream , Exploding Dream.
I want to scream
To smile and want
for nothing else
To think for now on
of no one else
but you and I forever !!!
and I know we never
thought that this would
when we knew bliss.
and all the dreaming
the Dreary harts
that pass us by
that one day maybe they
would smile too
like me and you
* * *
CAT GOT YOUR LIFE (Crystal-Meth Dream)
This Day I'm Finished ????
This Day I'm Done ?????
No More Walking In The Dark
With That Gun.
I Never Shot Myself.
Just For Fun ????
* * *
Two people meet at a stoplight and in on chance stare Wonder what it would be like to trade places, one with the other...
A man in a car, driving nowhere.
a woman on a bike, wondering.
the world passes as they stare. both feel something, a need for something.
Her legs are sore from riding, she stopped caring hours before.
His back is sore from driving, he has many hours more.
To him his car is a cell to take him from work and home.
To her the bike is hell, her with the elements alone.
To him the bike is liberty, free from the four wheeled cell.
To her the car is sanctuary, a place to heal and become well.
And in that single glimpse, each's agony the other's dream.
Of what could have been, just as the light turns green.
* * *
The rusty old swing fell to the ground.
Shaking the souls of all around.
Nothing remained but a pile of dust.
Filled with memories covered with rust.
No one was the same after that day.
Slowly, they each drifted away
Carrying a song they would forever sing
In memory of the old rusty swing.
* * * * *
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