From Winamop.com
Agent 5764s Soured Mission
by KJ Hannah Greenberg
Jeremy was believed to be in so deep in that no one, not even 5765, could find him. Turns out we were mistaken. Jeremy proved to be a turncoat hedgehog of the worst sort. He was working for the international cadre of felines!
Chief, Code Blue. Willy, Wally, Sally, and Tali slipped from position. Were in trouble. Over.
5764, I read you. Over.
Alley cats sighted. Over. Moggies seem to be more effective in neutralizing agents than falling acorns, pinecones projectiles, or visiting dignitaries. In 2010, a clowder deactivated Koningbed. Whereas one of his littermates assumed his station, an accident, involving a hungry Irish Setter, took her out.
Code Bluish Grey. The cats found Willy, Wally, Sally and Tali. Over.
5764, deny all knowledge. If captured, youre obliged to bite that pill. Instant death. Over.
Bunnies and gophers! If I hadnt been delayed by jock itch, wed still have a prickle of retainers. I didnt want to die. I couldnt; someone had to make sure that Talis family received his pension. He had worked for the Service for half of his life.
I loathed Jeremy. I loathed the climes heat, I was, from the get go, distracted by fungus sprouting on my personal parts.
5764, do you read? Over.
I read. Over.
This process, which Big Fur is chaperoning, of making peace between Hola Valley Spore and Jordanian Dust Mites, is getting expensive in agents deaths.
5764, stay out of sight. Over.
I ought to have read the briefing paper prior to boarding Big Furs aircraft. Instead, I had my snoot on the bulletins about dirty bombs. While the locals seemed to favor IWI Tavors, the rebels prefer Molotovs crammed with nails and stones.
Ten prickles worth of soldiers, plus additional squadrons of field-savvy fighters, allegedly, had secured the streets. My team was to provide backup and to secure select sidewalks.
Intentionally, we sacrificed a few parakeets to the cause. Those second class citizens hadnt observed any cats. It was an insurgent rock hyrax did them in. Critter must have had rabies to try to eat hedgehogs.
Inhaling, I evaluate the goings on. Enemy special forces are in cohorts with Jeremys league. There is no other explanation for the demise of Willy, Wally, Sally, and Tali. Those operatives had had the best, most reliable intelligence.
Whats more, half of an hour ago, when Big Furs motorcade started, Sammy and Pammy had been parked in front of a hospital. They, too, failed to sight the dumpster cats. They, too, had been switched off.
Sammy and Pammy remained wormy while standing guard. A nasty parasite, found only in lands situated between the Mesopotamia River and the Nile, had been bothering them before the mission. Forensics thinks it hitched a ride with the Egyptian storks. Nicks, though, told me that he thought the sudden infestation was no accident. To Sammy and Pammy, he had handed generous pawfuls of luminal drugs.
5764, do you read? Over.
I read. Over.
Sammy and Pammys discomfort had been more of a misery than an itch; its impossible to scratch when standing at parade rest. At least, upon getting eaten, they ceased to suffer.
Although its awful to see a mate getting mauled, its far worse to listen to that sort of mangling over a headset. Once the Big Furs proxy vehicle passed, I temporarily changed the channel on my receiver.
I wagered that our head Erinaceomorpha had snuck into the crowd using sunglasses and a baseball hat. The proxy cars passage meant he was secure. In balance, maybe Big Fur didnt pose as a sports nut and mingle with onlookers.
Sometimes, the Service disguises him as a senior citizen and rushes him to wherever he has to be. Alternatively, maybe the proxy vehicle was a double decoy and he was actually aboard.
I regard my screen, again, but see no trace of Sammy and Pammys viscera. I only spot several bedraggled-looking critters sniffing around the scene of their murder. I know that those disheveled sorts are not homeless, but are some of our agents.
I scroll down another screen. Bless these SIG Sauer P229s. Thats one exploded street cat. Covers blown, though.
5764, get out. Over.
I get out, but Daniella gets caught. Shucks! There was another puss lurking.
Her family will not cope well, even with college stipends getting locked into an account for her latest litter. Cancel that; payout to dependents was cut by Big Fur last year. Blasted whispers and whiskers! Her family will receive a lump sum, which will likely be spent long before those juveniles need their education.
More cats converging. I see why this place spooks our leader. Whereas China deals with organized mosquitos and Mozambique puts down crocodiles with attitude, those beasts cant compare to furry terrorists with both claws and incisors.
I wish I were home, where the fiercest combatants I face are neighborhood moles that lay claim, annually, to my carrots and radishes. As it is, Im waiting for 5765 to guide me in.
5764, its 5765. Over.
I read. Over.
Shadow Boss Coon. Hes leaving from the elementary school in five, four, three, two, one. Over.
I read. Over.
Big Furs cranky. I hate being his babysitter. At least his guards have JARs and KAC SR-25/Mk11 Mod 0s. Ill get out alive.
We stuff Big Fur back onto his plane. Only an arrogant dude would consent to being disguised as a large, black masked, ring-tailed mammal. We grunts are proud of being furze-pigs.
Titus eyeballs me. Like me, he detests special ops. Its a pity he couldnt kill that traitor, Jeremy.
The Chiefs plane lifts. Soon, were in international air space. I dont envy 5765 his job.
A tear rolls down my snout. Sammy and Pammy were skilled hedgehogs and great bridge players. They will be missed.
Titus slides over to my seat, his gear still in place, one of his nasty guns still in his paws. He punches me in the shoulder and nods in my direction.
I look up.
He gestures with his head, but puts a paw to his face in the universal expression for say nothing.
Big Fur is slouched over his juice cup and is snoring like a badger.
I look at Titus, and he looks at me. We wont be able to sell our smartphone pictures, but well still enjoy taking them.
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