Deduction
I think Watson (though I have no companion)
These two know one another
This is not a first date here in McDonalds
Nor a business meeting
They wear hoodies and tracksuit trousers
They chat and laugh
Dipping fries into ketchup
Slipping lettuce from their sweet chilli wraps
Stuffing their faces
Like you would a turkey’s backside at Christmas
Quiet unseemly
Discussing names for a staffie
Titty or Gollum maybe?
Keenly I observe these creatures of Great Britain
I attempt to be subtle
In my furtive glances in their direction
I do not want my subjects to become uncomfortable
But alas they have eaten
Crinkly wrappers sullied by sauces
Grease blots the menu that tablecloths the tray
The chair’s slight cushion compression begins its slow rise upwards
They depart and I need a fresh subject.
Who are we to judge?
Monday chicken and chips
A Mars Bar for a snack
The alcohol and Oreos eaten Tuesday
And the endless sandwiches consumed on Wednesday
Guilt of thinking like this
Of an obsessed selfie clicking skinny bint too aware to notice
She is shrinking
And meat on the bones
Surely is what God intended
If bones were bare we won’t be fed
Hungry we wilt
Thursday is a bacon roll
A pastry slice
Friday chicken and chips
Fatty couple in front of me in the queue
More than meat on those bones
It will be storing around their organs too
Oh God I breathe in (mmm that whiff
Of a kebab)
Have I put on the weight yet?
Am I like them?
Am I an elephant?
Rumbling through the crowd
Cold
Sniffling, snuffling
Wanting to keep the snot up my nose
But it’s gathering around my nostrils
Pooling in a puddle
A wet puppy dogs nose
I would use my fingers, the sleeve of my coat
But I’m in a restaurant
Not terribly hygienic
For those aiming to eat their food without fear of a snot invasion.
