What Happens Next in the Harry Potter books instead. by M.H.

Towards the end of Book 7 Harry is given some vital information about Voldemort by Wormtail (whose life, you will recall, he spared in Book 4). This enables Harry to kill Voldemort, although not before Voldemort has killed Wormtail, having found out what he's done. In the last Grand Battle, Neville also, inadvertently, kills Bellatrix, thereby avenging his parents. Ginny Weasley, whose role grows significantly in the last two books, also assists Harry in his killing of Voldemort, for, as the seventh child of the Weasley family, she has a number of extraordinary powers that no one knows about, except for Dumbledore, who has realised she must have them back in Book 2 when she is possessed by Tom Riddle/Voldemort, yet remains mentally unscathed afterwards. Neville is so shaken by his killing of Bellatrix that he devotes the rest of his life to Magical Social Work, counselling the families of those killed or maimed by Voldemort and his supporters.

Harry does not get the exam results to enable him to become an Auror, having failed his OWL in Divination, and only just scraped a pass in Potions, History of Magic, and Astronomy (which was of course interrupted by Hagrid's expulsion). Nevertheless, his brilliance in Defence Against the Dark Arts means that he is taken on to teach the subject at Hogwarts, there still being plenty of Death Eaters and Dementors wandering around after Voldemort's death, which warrants maintaining the subject on the curriculum. This enables many of one's favourite characters to remain in the story, including Dumbledore, Hagrid, McGonagall and Snape - who still hates Harry (and vice versa), leading to a certain amount of tension in the Hogwarts staffroom. Harry marries Ginny Weasley (thereby keeping the Weasleys in the story too), and they have 12 children, as predicted by Trelawney in a rare moment of optimism in Book 5. This keeps J K Rowling writing for the rest of her life, relating all of their adventures.

So that Harry is not the only married member of staff at Hogwarts (it's always struck me as odd that the entire staff appear to be celibate!), Hagrid also marries Olympe, who settles with him at Hogwarts, but who turns his hut into a palace in no time at all.

The Weasley Twins rapidly become as rich as Bill Gates. One of their first actions is to buy their dear brother Ron a state-of-the-art broomstick, which they further endow with a bit more magic of their own. This enables Ron to fly like never before, and with his new-found confidence at helping Gryffindor win the Quidditch Cup he improves so much that he eventually finds himself playing on the England Quidditch Team. In the next Quidditch World Cup final, Ron's actions enable the England team to win (to loud chanting of "Weasley is our King, He never lets the quaffle in" from the England supporters), in a cliffhanging match against the Bulgarian Team, captained by Viktor Krum.

Both the Weasley Twins marry and have families, and their offspring regularly test their fathers' prototype products at Hogwarts, causing many outrageously hilarious scenes.

Dudley Dursley also marries, and has a child born with magical powers, doubtless inherited via Petunia's side of the family. The Dursleys try to hide these powers and deny their child has them, but ultimately the youngest ever Minister of Magic, Hermione Granger, insists that the child has to attend Hogwarts - where s/he is promptly sorted into Slytherin.

As far as the Ministry of Magic goes - Fudge is, not unexpectedly, forced into an ignominious resignation. Umbridge is kissed by a berserk Dementor, and Percy Weasley dies in a misguided attempt to save her. Hermione rises quickly to the top, so many people having resigned/been sacked etc. She repeals anti-giant and anti-werewolf legislation (thereby allowing Lupin to go up in the world), but unfortunately also grants compulsory freedom to all House Elves, which leads to great civil unrest, and the House Elf Riots. Dobby acts as an intermediary between the Ministry and the House Elves during the course of these.

Draco Malfoy and Pansy Parkinson marry and have a family. Their children attend Hogwarts, where they cause Harry and his offspring untold misery.

The Quibbler publishes another sell-out edition when Luna Lovegood grants them an exclusive interview following her capture of a pair of Crumple-Horned Snorkacks. Rita Skeeter, in an attempt to get the story for The Daily Prophet, transforms into a beetle once too often - one of the Crumple-Horned Snorkacks eats her! Luna gives the Crumple-Horned Snorkacks to Hagrid, who starts the world's first ever Crumple-Horned Snorkack breeding programme at Hogwarts, and teaches care of the beasts to Hogwarts students.

Lucius Malfoy, Goyle Snr., Crabbe Snr., and several hundred uncontrollable Dementors remain on the run to cause mayhem for many years to come.

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It will be interesting to see how close (or otherwise) I am!! Maybe you can think of some improvements, or interesting things to happen to people like Tonks and Mad-Eye Moody, or even Mr. and Mrs. Weasley?

© MH March 2004