In the Thick of Home Birth. By KJ Hannah Greenberg.



“Suck it down.”

“No way.”

“Fish juice.”


“Please; no IVs.”

“No cod livers.”

“Hospital transfer?”

“Crazy. Baby here. Here. Here. Here. Get midwife; I hurt.”

“She’ll want an internal.”

“And what army?”

“Sweetheart, for baby.”

“Ha! Get her.”

“Then take a spoonful.”

“Dream on. Ouch! Ouch! Mother of an Ouch! ”

“You’re still talking. It’s not something ‘til you get quiet. Remember Toni’s birth? Sam’s? Take the fish oil.”

“Mother of an Ouch’s Mother! You listen. I’ll puke. Last time it gave me runs.”

“Open wide. Here’s the spoon. Or, we could have sex or take a walk. Beats fish oil. Here’s my arm.”

“It hurts.”

“Please leave some skin.”

“Skip the walk.”


“Bottom’s up.”







“Making progress. Get in bed?”

“Didn’t help last time.”

“We’re more experienced.”


“Don’t pull like that. I’m sorry. Don’t cry.”


“Let’s walk.”

“Hold me?”


“I hurt.”

“I know.”

“No midwife?”

“Sleeping. Walk?”

“I’ve moved three feet, idiot.”


“Stop mocking. Fix it!”

“Ow! Hurts, hurts, hurts. Hold me. Hug me. Stop! Hurts. I hate you.”


“How’d ya know?”

“Toni and Sam.”

“I feel …”







“Cod liver oil!!!”

“Spit behind pillow.”

“Mine? Ouch. Sorry. Keep grabbing.”

“Midwife! Idiot. MIDWIFE!!!”

“He helped. You’re dilated. Push.”


“Need to check.”



“Love you, but you’re getting castrated.”

“A boy!”

“Honey, can we make more?”

* * * *

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