Tara's Desert
by Eric Suhem

 

 

Tara looked out the window, seeing tumbleweeds roll through a desert. There were a few cacti and some scraggly sagebrush. Sand blew into an empty horizon. Tara blinked her eyes, and the scene disappeared, replaced by the usual view of her overwrought backyard with its careful, hyper-curated plants, meticulous landscaping, and patio furniture made from the finest imported teak. She’d been having the desert visions for several weeks.

 

“C’mon, honey, we’re going to be late for the cocktail party,” said her husband, Jake. He’d personally designed the backyard, putting his imprimatur on every step of the process. Noticing that she was staring out the window, he expectantly asked, “Are you looking forward to the construction of the gazebo?”

 

Tara didn’t care about the gazebo, but she knew that Jake got a lot of satisfaction from planning and executing these backyard projects. It was something that he needed. “Yes, Jake, the gazebo will be fantastic,” she said, indulging him in his needs. The couple left their house and walked down the street to the cocktail party hosted by their neighbors Patrick and Ashley.

 

“Why are you not coalescing with our vision?” asked Patrick, anxious to get Tara involved in the group’s ideas. Jake was off schmoozing with some venture capitalists in the living room and Tara was outside on the back deck with Patrick and some other party guests. The deck, situated above a deep canyon and not particularly well-engineered, creaked dangerously under the collective weight of the group.

 

“What is your vision?” Tara asked.

 

“Connectivity and synergy,” replied Patrick.

 

Everybody on the deck tapped at their phones except for Tara, who wanted to look at the brilliant hues of the sunset. “The sun and clouds are so beautiful,” she murmured.

 

Tara’s reverie was broken by the disappointed voice of Patrick. “We felt that you would be a representational member of the group, fulfilling our objectives, but perhaps we were wrong.” He tapped at his phone sulkily before moving on to another group of party guests. Tara had no idea what Patrick was talking about. She returned her attention to the sunset, where the hazy clouds filtered the solar rays into bright colors.

 

Patrick’s wife Ashley emerged from the house onto the deck. “Hey Ash, Tara’s not coalescing with our vision,” said Patrick.

 

“I don’t even know what that’s about. I was just enjoying the gorgeous sunset,” Tara said as some of the others on the deck scowled at her.

 

“Okay, Tara, I’ll watch the sunset with you,” said Ashley as if she was speaking to a child. Ashley glanced at the sunset for a few seconds and then pulled out her phone, saying, “I want to take a selfie with the sun in the background and then send it to my connections on social media!” As the sun drifted downward, combining with the cumulus strata to display even more stunning colors, Ashley anguished over her phone camera not executing the selfie correctly. “Godammit,” she groused.

 

After the sunset, the deck lurched more as Patrick, Ashley and the others went back into the house. Tara stayed on the deck, staring at the sky. One other person was on the deck, gazing at the eucalyptus trees that lined the canyon below. Tara hadn’t noticed this person earlier but now recognized her as Lydia, who lived down the street. Tara barely knew Lydia but had seen her occasionally in the neighborhood, wearing odd, colorful patchwork gowns and walking her pet lemur. Everything about Lydia was strange, and most of the neighbors kept their distance.

 

Tara greeted Lydia and walked toward her. With every step along the deck into her neighbor’s orbit, the scene began to change. Tara and Lydia were no longer on Patrick and Ashley’s deck, but instead out in the desert, standing amidst an impressive jumble of eroded sandstone outcrops. “Where are we?” asked Tara.

 

“This is an alternate reality, we are on the desert astral plane,” said Lydia.

 

“We’re not at Patrick and Ashley’s cocktail party?”

 

“No, Tara, that’s long gone.” Lydia spun in a circle, screamed at the blinding desert sun, and then turned her attention to Tara. “We haven’t gotten to know each other as neighbors, have we?”

 

“Well, no, Lydia, though I’ve seen you walking your pet lemur down the street.”

 

“Yes, Ulrich is a fine animal, but he couldn’t be with me here in this other dimension. It fills me with regret.” Tara didn’t know what to say to this, so Lydia continued. “Tara, I happen to know more about you than you might imagine. I know that you often feel your soul being crushed by the materialistic, fast-paced, technology-driven lifestyle of your current existence. So, you escape in your mind to the silence of the desert, where you can be free amidst the cactus, sagebrush, geckos, and tarantulas.”

 

“How do you know this?”

 

“We’ll talk again, Tara, but for now let’s go back to the party.” A cloud of sand swirled, blocking out the sun.

 

As the sand settled, Tara found herself back on the deck at the cocktail party. Lydia was nowhere to be seen. Tara made her way into the house, where Jake was still engaged in discussion with the venture capitalists.

 

It was getting late, and the cocktail party was breaking up, so Jake and Tara said their goodbyes and walked home. “Did you have a nice time, hon?” asked Jake, adding, “Patrick told me that you were not coalescing with the group’s vision, though he still has hopes that you’ll be a representational member, fulfilling the group’s objectives.”

 

“What? What is that all about? I’ve been hearing that all night.” 

 

“It’s just a project he’s setting up, utilizing connectivity and synergy. It’ll be great!”

 

“Well, I had a good time at the party. The sunset was beautiful, and I had an interesting talk with our neighbor Lydia.”

 

“That kook? The one with the lemur?”

 

“She’s a very unusual person.”

 

“Well, I had a great talk with some venture capitalists! They’re enthusiastic about funding my startup company. Do you know what that means? We’re going to have a steady revenue stream so we can have all the backyard gazebos we want!”

 

“That’s great, Jake,” said Tara absently as the desert slowly trickled into her mind like unhurried drips of water in a parched oasis.

 

The next day, Tara and Jake woke up and got ready for work. They both toiled in the tech industry, Jake being an entrepreneur who was looking to launch a new data storage startup, Tara being a software engineer. After taking a shower, Jake exited the master bathroom and stared at the door’s handle. “We need a gold-plated doorknob for the master bathroom,” he announced, “I’ll find one online and then install it this weekend! Only the best for my princess!” Tara was brushing her teeth and thinking about desert canyons and dunes.

 

After getting dressed, they each drove to work. In her car on the freeway, Tara thought about Jake’s opulent gazebos, gold-plated bathroom doorknobs, and relentless pursuit of a lifestyle yielding more opulent gazebos and gold-plated bathroom doorknobs.

 

Tara worked long hours, which was one reason why she enjoyed the relief of her psychological sojourns to the desert so much. As she sat in her cubicle later that day, programming a tedious graphical interface, her thoughts shifted once again to the barren dust-covered plains, cacti, and sage. A few tumbleweeds bounced around amidst the clutter in her skull. It was a simple and unfettered world, plain and dry, yet something about it was curiously energizing. As her consciousness roamed through the desolate landscape, she felt calmer, the edges of her anxiety sandblasted off. The blank slate of the desert offered a feeling of hope and possibility, a notion of an empty canvas on which Tara could paint her life. 

 

Her tranquility was interrupted by the hyperactive voice of her manager, at a timbre strangely like that of her husband Jake. “Great job today on the presentation, Tara! The client was very impressed. You’re being a real team player! Keep at it and we’ll talk promotion!”

 

“Thanks, Don.”

 

The manager left Tara’s cubicle and moved down the hallway. The accolades meant nothing to Tara, and she sighed as the previously pleasing sand dunes of her daydream blew away into oblivion.

 

That night, Tara and Jake had a late dinner after long hours at the office. “It’s a very exciting time in the formation of my startup! The venture capitalists I talked to at Patrick and Ashley’s party last night are close to signing a contract!” Jake tapped frantically at his phone, eyes focused relentlessly on social media as Tara microwaved their kale casseroles. “Patrick also might invest in my startup, though he’s still concerned that you’re not coalescing with the group’s vision, and he wonders whether you’ll be a representational member, fulfilling the group’s objectives.”

 

“That, again? What are you talking about?”

 

“Tara, is it too much to ask that you be at least a little supportive of my goals? As Patrick says, it’s all about connectivity and synergy.” Jake’s phone beeped. “Hang on, I just got a text from one of the venture capitalists, our future could be riding on this!” Jake tapped at his phone as Tara finished eating her kale casserole and threw its plastic container into the garbage.

 

As Jake was still texting with Patrick, Ashley, and the venture capitalists, Tara went to bed, quickly fell asleep, and began to dream:

 

She was in the desert, gazing at a vast expanse of cacti, sagebrush, snakes, and scorpions. Lydia was there, reaching out her hand. Tara took Lydia’s hand, and they walked up to the top of a dune. As they stared into the arid desert, Tara felt the shackling weight of her existence start to melt away. She was merging with infinity, simultaneously losing and finding herself, everything pared down to the essential, her soul quieting.

 

Lydia looked at Tara and said, “I’m going to leave you now, but you’ll always know where to find me. When your soul is being damaged by clutter and distraction, and you long for the strangely beautiful desolation of the desert, I’ll be here.” Lydia turned and descended the dune. She then walked away, becoming an element of the landscape as she disappeared into the distant sand, cacti, and sagebrush.

 

That was when Tara heard the rumbling sound of a car in the distance. She walked down the dune as a black sedan approached. Inside the vehicle were Jake, Patrick, and Ashley, typing busily on their phones. Nobody was at the wheel as it seemed to be a self-driving automobile that pulled up alongside her. Patrick leaned his head out the window. “Why are you not coalescing with our vision?” he demanded.

 

“We felt that you would be a representational member of the group, fulfilling our objectives, but perhaps we were wrong,” added Ashley.

 

“Soon we’ll have more gazebos and gold-plated bathroom doorknobs!” promised Jake. The three passengers chanted, “CONNECTIVITY AND SYNERGY!” 

 

Jake, Patrick, and Ashley were waiting in the car. “C’mon Tara, let’s get out of this godforsaken place, there’s no phone reception out here,” urged Jake. He tapped at his phone impatiently.

 

“You guys go ahead, I’ll walk,” said Tara, heading off into the barren wilderness. The black sedan containing Jake, Patrick, and Ashley sped away in a cloud of dust…

 

With a start, Tara woke up from the dream. Jake was in the bed next to her, his phone sitting on the pillow by his sleeping head. Tara looked out her bedroom window at the familiar backyard with the overelaborate plants and patio furniture. She imagined that Jake was dreaming about where the new gazebo would fit into his strenuously choreographed yard organization. Tara was unable to sleep through the rest of the night, her mind filled with tumbleweeds, sagebrush, and dusty sand.

 

The next morning Tara woke up and went out to the front yard to pick up the morning newspaper. She was hoping she might see Lydia out early walking the pet lemur, but her neighbor was not to be seen. Tara looked down the street toward Lydia’s house and was stunned to see a ‘SOLD’ sign on the front lawn. There had not been a ‘FOR SALE’ sign there, so this seemed totally out of the blue. Tara ran down the sidewalk toward the ‘SOLD’ sign. When she reached Lydia’s yard she walked past the sign and approached the front window. Curtains had been removed from the windows and Tara looked inside. The house was deserted, all the furniture removed. Bewildered, Tara walked back home.

 

When she returned, Jake was in the kitchen, chomping on breakfast cereal and typing on his phone. Tara poured cereal into a bowl and sat down next to him.

 

“I will not rest until we get that gold-plated bathroom doorknob,” Jake said obsessively.

 

“Did you see that Lydia sold her house down the street? I didn’t even know it was for sale.”

 

“Well, good riddance to her. Wearing those bizarre outfits and walking that pet lemur. It was bringing down property values.”

 

Tara stared at him and said, “Well, I liked her, we were becoming good friends.”

 

Jake snorted dismissively and returned his attention to his phone. “Patrick says there’s lots of connectivity and synergy, so the contracts may be signed today!”

 

Over the next few weeks, Tara took up a hobby of painting and found that she was surprisingly adept at it. All her paintings were landscapes depicting cacti, sagebrush, hyenas, tumbleweeds, and other desert phenomena. The imagery rose insistently within her and bloomed like a desert flower. There was a house full of painters, sculptors, and poets down the street, and Tara got to know them, eventually renting a room there and using it as an art studio. When Tara quieted her mind and drifted to the desert, finding inspiration for her next painting, Lydia was always there to reach out her hand and lead Tara through the dunes.

 

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