1-800 FUNK. By Jane Wright.

'So why did you call this 1-800 FUNK number?'

'It's my temporary escape from reality, forming mental pictures of a good time'

'I usually go for something on the radio, like WPLC-FM 99.2, you've got to check out Kung-fu Eddie'

'And you wonder why you're a disaster with women'

I click on the radio, the over enthusiastic presenter is live at some kind of accident.

'A twelve year old boy has died from severe spinal injuries in a car crash in downtown LA. Police are investigating the cause of the crash, witnesses should contact..'

I click the radio off.

Zoe is putting her coat on.

'We're leaving'

'Are we?'

'Yes, we've been invited to Studio 54 it's featuring a gallery of black'n'white celebrity photographs. It'll be the place to be, oh and were meeting a friend of mine'

'Do I know her?'

'No, you don't know him'

Zoe's taking me to the kind of place you read about in magazines. Where you'd find the rich, young and hip celebrities talking the talk and looking cool. The kind of place that the yuppies think the most important thing in life is money.

We arrived early, so we headed for the bar, where Zoe went into great detail on what she had done shortly after our relationship ended.

'I recall whilst staying a few nights at the Royal Hotel in Kyoto, we filmed a post-modern slam fest Japan trip down from thirty hours of miniDV footage to ten minutes . Most of it shot on a Sony PD-150, with some of the hotel interiors shot on a TRV-70'

All of this was going straight over my head. I had to change the subject.

'So what did you eat whilst abroad? I mean you were always fussy about your food?'

'You should try the beautiful Teppanyaki with a chicken course, salad appetizer, salmon, pineapple, fried rice, soup and dessert. It was truly amazing! I had that every day! Are you still the lard eating burger fanatic?'

'I've moved up in the world, steak and fried eggs'

Awkward silence

'If you ever get to Japan you have to experience the famous bullet train from Tokyo to Kyoto, in reserved seats of course.'

Awkward silence

'During my stay Yaida Hitomi's agent gave me a Sharp Zaurus SL-C870 a special model made in Japan & a Sony DCR-HC30 miniDV Handy Cam'

Awkward silence

Again I tried to change the subject.

'So what music are you into? Personally I'm into Joss Stone'

'Oh that reminds me; Yaida Hitomi agreed to contribute 4 tracks off her new album! I just love her energetic style; anyway one night we went looking for a cool sushi restaurant, you know something cool for a happening crowd. We eventually met up Nagase Masatoshi and Jim Jamusch, you know? The guy who put together the cult classic Mystery Train? Anyway Nagase has a fucking ace reputation as one of the world's best guitarists! He gave me one of his guitars! Can you believe it?'

I suddenly felt so insignificant, a meaningless spot on the face of boredom. She's talking, not at me or with me, she's just talking. I was tempted to look for a ring pull or cord like the one you find on a talking doll; no such luck.

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