Minor Website still going!
By our meeja correspondent Chat
Winamop.com, a website which hardly anyone visits, has lasted
20 years. Why this insignificant site continues to exist is unknown. We spoke
to the editor to discover why on earth he is persevering with it.
Us "Why on earth are you persevering with it?"
Ed "Oh that... not sure really."
So there you have it, another scoop from the News
World Cup Success!
By our sports correspondent Potato
It's all been a superb event in every respect over in.. err..
where is it again? Oh yes Qatar, that's it, should there be a U in that surely?
Q before U except after something.. or have I got that mixed up.
Anyway, massive bags of cash have been exchanged, thousands of
migrant workers have died and there's no beer so I didn't go.
Football's coming home at last, at least the England team are
coming home in good time for Christmas, result!
Ere we go, Ere we go Ere we go! [Yes, off you go, you're
Everything is just fine!
By our medical correspondent Weebit
Don't worry, be happy, etc. The UK is leading the world in the
new Omicron version of the popular Covid-19 virus. Other European countries are
struggling to keep up with our magnificent score. UK politicians are doing
their best to maintain our leading position by encouraging large gatherings and
having parties. Well done everyone!
Flood , Fire
"End of world definitely nigh" reports our
So here's one in the eye for all you non-believers running
around sinning all over the place. Now see what's happened?
The All-seeing Wombat (or other deity of your choice) is
displeased with all the rampant consumerism and fornication and he (or she) has
caused these great disasters to come upon the human race! Not only that, but he
has brought upon you a shortage of bog-rolls, tins of beans and hand-sanitiser
gel! That'll teach you.
"What can we do to make amends?" I hear you cry. [No we
Lead a blameless life, buy The Big Issue, smile at yappy dogs
and don't kick them even a little bit, feed the birds [tuppence a bag?
Ed.], give a little whistle, tie a yellow ribbon round the old oak tree,
say a little prayer for me, dance till you're dead, pump it up, walk like an
Egyptian [you're losing the plot now.. Ed.]
Yes well there's nothing you can do you see because it's all
too late! I'm off to stand on the top of Glastonbury Tor and wait for the alien
war-lords to pick me up. So long suckers!
[There's a vacancy for the post of religious correspondent
as of now. Ed.]
Be assured that Winamop operates to the very highest
journalistic standards, all our stories are rated for truthfulness (if only the
tabloids would do that!). We also drink vast amounts and are experts at bugging
phones, shoving our feet in your doors and our cameras in your tear-stained
T = True story
MT = Mostly true
L = Lies
PL = Probably Lies
LF = Lies based on Facts
UB = Utter Boll... err.. Balderdash!
Note: To comply with time-honoured journalistic practices, we
only use single sources and never check our facts. If we cannot obtain firm
information we make it up.
Rupert made us do it!