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I think there might be an election going on..
by DA.
For some time now I've suspected that our politians are plotting something.. but now that they've disolved parliament and gone out onto the streets in "battle buses" I know it to be true: There's an election coming!
Every time I turn on the radio or the TV there's one of them spouting on about the health service or the defecit or housing or taxes or foreigners or renewables or expenses or terrorism or foreign aid or defence or social services or antisocial neighbours or neighbourhood watch or the big society or the little people or the rich people or the poor people or the class divide or root and branch reform or a fresh start or hard-working families or bankers bonuses or teachers or nurses or doctors or the minimum wage or the price of oil or hard-working workers or lazy benefit cheats - then accusing eachother of being too posh or too ruthless or too racist or too green or not posh enough or not bright enough or not racist enough or not green enough - then going on TV debates, radio phone-ins, radio interviews, TV interviews, cameo appearances at garden fetes, tours of England, tours of marginals, tours of Scotland, tours of Wales wearing blue ties red ties green ties yellow ties or silver ties as appropriate. They wheel out their wives, their sons, their daughters, their best mates down the pub, they play football, they play darts, they go jogging, they try colouring-in with children in schools, and all with a camera crew in attendence so that we can watch the whole fandango over and over again.
Well. All I can say is "For goodness sake give it a rest!" Just shut up until we've all had a chance to decide which bunch of buffoons we're going to have in Westminster this time, then do the best you can.
OK?
No?
Well, in that case I'm turning off the radio and the TV until it's all over. I'm cancelling the newspapers and I'm not reading the news sites. If any canvassers come to the door I'll be hiding in the kitchen. If any of my freinds try and engage me in political debate I'm going to make my excuse and leave. If I'm stopped in the street and asked my political opinion I'm going to walk away singing "la la la la" in a loud voice, that usually puts them off.
Have you any sand that I can bury my head in?
See you on May 8th.