The Euro dilemma. By DA.
The enlargement of Europe is back in the news and the old
prejudices are being aired again.
I don't like those Europeans, they eat
smelly food and they tried to ban our sausages and make bananas straight. We
don't want to give up the Great British Pound and replace it with a Euro that's
only worth 60p. What good is that? They'll just put the prices up again... look
at what happened during decimalisation! And their telly is no good, can't
understand a word of it. We have no option but to leave the EU and join up with
For goodness sake let's get on with it. We've
been faffing about since the 70s and if we're in Europe we ought to be
right in Europe, not on the sidelines. Europe is the world's cultural
centre, great food, great wine (did I tell you about our holiday in Tuscany
last year?). The only other option is to get into bed with George Bush and look
where they got us with the Iraq war. We lost the Eurovision song contest
because of that!
Well you have to admit that these are big issues. The
zero-points fiasco in the Eurovision song contest brought it home to me. We are
as unpopular as our bread-filled sausages in Europe!
We can't speak their
languages, our football fans lay waste to their stadia. I should think they'd
be glad to get rid of us.
I don't quite follow the Euro argument though,
after all how much is a US Dollar worth? Yes, the same as a Euro!
I can't say that we're terribly popular in the USA either. The
fact that British troops were in Iraq alongside (or was it in front of, so they
could get a better shot?) American troops seems to have passed them by. They
are more preoccupied with taking side-swipes at the French for daring to
disagree with their views. And aren't we friends with the French, all in that
EU together? Damn Europeans!
The Americans won't even buy Robbie Williams'
records! How could we burn our Euroboats and take up with the Americans under
circumstances like that?
The only answer is to forget both of them. Weigh anchor and sail
off to the Pacific, to the lands of Anchor butter and Marlborough wines.
Oh, hang on, we can't do that. The antipodean dollars are only worth 35p
and their telly is even crapper than the German's (but we can understand
I know, I'll toss for it, heads it's America, heads it's
America. Now where's that Euro?
Oh damn, it doesn't have a "heads"