Eurovision. A socio-political phenomenon.

Or possibly just a load of rubbish?

Either way, it never fails to entertain on one level or another. I've just seen the 2006 extravaganza and enjoyed it immensly!

To keep the traditionalists happy there were big ballads from Sweden, Ireland, Russia, Greece, Bosnia and France (no surprise there but why didn't they get someone who could hit a note?). There was country music from Germany, Acapella from Latvia, rock 'n' roll from Denmark, disco from Armenia and some "Pet Shop Boys on amphetamines and helium" from Romania.

And who won?

Some fat Finns in monster-masks belting out a heavy-metal number.

Now that may not be your idea of good entertainment but you have to admit there was variety.

The achievement of the Finnish entry was all the more remarkable because of the political, or at least ethnic, way the voting takes place.
The Balkan states all vote for the other Balkan states, and there are quite a few so they get lots of points. The southern Mediterranean countries all vote for each other, the Scandinavians all vote for each other but only Ireland votes for the UK.

North-West Europe needs to get its act together here. Come on France, I know you can't stand to give Britain any points but hey! At least our song was better than yours (for a change). C'mon, we'll vote for you... honest!

And Germany. You cound give us a few points surely? Your song was good I'll admit - much better than ours - but it didn't win because we didn't stick together.

Netherlands. Sadly your buxom bongo players didn't even make it into the main contest so what had you got to lose? 10, 11 and 12 points to your good pals near at home would put you back in contention next year I suggest!

Belgium. Now what happened to them. Um. Oh yes... As above.

It's our love of the underdog that causes us to lose out in these things. I really wanted the Finns to win (or the Lithuanians with their "We are the winners of Eurovision" song) because they were taking the piss. They had thought "Why just toe the line and come in with some standard Europap? Let's push the boundaries and get noticed".

And they did.

Whilst we think: "Well of course it would be cheating to enter a big name like Elton John or Coldplay so we'll just put up some feeble tat and come 19th".

You see we know we could win if we wanted to, but we must give the little ones a chance..

Well it's got to stop.

Next year it's got to be Ozzy Osborne on roller skates backed by Oasis. Bribe the French the Germans and the Dutch to vote for us and maybe we'll come second behind a trampolining Pan-Pipe player from a Balkan state.

I can't wait!

© Winamop. May 2006

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