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Knick-knacks and trinkets

There's some kind of compulsion in most of us to acquire stuff. Stuff in the form of curios, knick-knacks, souvenirs and, worst of all, things that'll "come in useful".

I've got lots of things that should've "come in useful" at least once in all the years I've had them, but never have.
I would throw them away but I know full well that the day afterwards I'll need the very thing I've just got rid of.

I'm deluding myself of course.
When will I ever need that fondant set, or the thing that cuts tomatoes into spirals?

Will I ever use any of the three different coffee-makers that take ages to clean afterwards?
Or the Japanese rice-steamer, or the two old printers that you can't get ink cartridges for any more? You know, the ones that take a week to print one page. They're really well-built though... seems a shame to chuck them...

The problem for us of "a certain age" is that consumer goods are now so cheap that we could well afford to lob away any piece of slightly dodgy domestic equipment and buy a nice new one, but we can't bring ourselves to do it!
"There's plenty of life in this old electric kettle" we say (despite the fact that the knob's missing off the lid and it blows fuses occasionally) and stash it away somewhere.

If all this rings true for you, I think I may have a solution to your tat-related problems:

Bring me your slightly dented toasters, your revolting table-lamps, your clocks with a rotating ballerina inside, your collection of beer-mats from the 1970s, that tea-towel with pictures of cats on it that's made from completely non-absorbent material.
No! Wait a moment.. for goodness sake don't bring them to me. What I meant to say was:

Flog them on Ebay!

There'll be someone out there who wants it.
You wouldn't believe it, it's amazing.
I know that I should feel a bit guilty about off-loading my unwanted junk onto some other poor sap who'll wonder why he bought it for years afterwards, but they weren't forced to bid were they?

There is, of course, a flaw in my plan. A serious flaw...

I have started bidding for other people's tat.

Soon I'll have more than I had before! There's no way out... I'm doomed to die surrounded by rubbish that my children will have to dispose of. Perhaps they'll place me on a giant funeral pyre of Q Magazines and old Hi-Fi speakers?

Help me before it's too late.... just bid on this item.



© Winamop. October 2004

Read old page 94s here.


© Winamop 2004