Unseen powers and blithe fates, rid me of this
thief,
Who fills my mornings, my evenings, my life with
grief-
This spider, omniscient, omnipotent,
urbane.
Begone! Youre everywhere, youre driving me
insane.
Hark! Heinous adversary, prepare to
respond.
Choose your weapons and get ready for whats
beyond.
Dont hide, little spider; come out with scant
lament.
Ive plans for you, say, a monument in
cement.
We sprayed you, we dusted you and Swiffered you
out.
All looks clean, so spotless. Why my lingering
doubt?
We vacuumed you and swept you up into the
wind.
Now I harbor fears youll reappear with a
grin.
At night fraught with terror, Im eyeing the
transom.
Should I call in a ref or offer a ransom?
Im terrified I may sleep with an open
mug.
And the last thing I need is a mouth full of
bug.
Oh, multitudes of webs, my solutions quite
real.
No longer may you count on my home for a
meal.
Ill teach you a lesson, tiny beast of the
earth.
How will I regard your absence? With joy and
mirth.
You hide in corners and nooks and frighten my
wife,.
Your webs, your strings stand ready to end my calm
life.
To the thump of my broom, my trusty mop of
fame,
Prepare to breathe your last or skedaddle in
shame.
Youre soon to be eaten, appetizer
enjoyed,
Tasty morsel youll be; a gecko Ive
employed.
Your spider days are numbered, of this rest
assured.
Im in bliss that this affliction will soon be
cured.
Whats that dark mass in your web high up on the
wall?
Dont look at me with laugher; I think I will
bawl.
Could it be my new friend who eyed me with a
smile?
Youve gotten my goat, my stomachs now
filled with bile.
Would it be considered bad form or a bit
rude,
To ask you to change your plans, and perhaps your
mood,
And travel to parts unknown and leave sans
notice?
Perhaps to the land of pagodas and lotus?
A reflection of new webs? Oh, a fresh
warning.
Theres been a birthing, new babies
aborning.
Tis a breeze from the window, a new flash of
light.
Marshal the troops, get the spray for heartless new
fights.
Her children are everywhere; has this pest no
guilt?
I gaze at the table, at my soup, at my
milk,
Ive not eaten for days; yes, my appetites
gone.
I look toward the heavens. Have I done something
wrong?
Just for you Id flood this house, burn it to the
ground.
Youll frown, youll hop like a clown, just
maybe youll drown.
Hear this, unworthy one, bane of my
existence,
Id salt the earth to overcome your
resistance.
Ah, now I perceive shes gone, Yes, I sense new
bliss.
Some tranquility at last. Should I believe
this?
Not in nooks or shadows, not up on the
ceiling.
I smell a rat, a spider, its a bad
feeling.
On the wall again. Oh, I see your dance, your
smirk.
For you, I wish dank darkness where evil must
lurk.
My eyes are on you; expect a future of
doom.
Your time is coming, spider, full of ruin and
gloom.
Oh, wicked little spider, smaller than a
mouse,
It profits me naught to dream of an unsoiled
house.
Your cravings, your ethics, your morals need
mending.
Your forays across my space remain
unending.
You, who skulks around in silence, oh, hear my
cry.
At your demise, could I shed a tear? Oh, Id
try.
Just to see the end of you, Id bear
chastisement.
And forgiveness? Ill take it under advisement.
What advantages have I gained, have I been
just?
Of her departure Ive dreamed. She vanquished; a
must.
To the heavens: Ive sinned, its a
fact
..is she gone?
Her remains in a crypt? Expect a dance, a
song.
Understand me, you knave, hear my adamant
plea,
One with complex eyes and eight legs; who could it
be?
One in our midst must part, must vanish or
perish.
Oh, your memory I vow, Ill cheerfully
cherish.
Now off to church, for mass, for fresh
absolution,
To have mean acts retired from my
constitution,
To bow my cheerless face and pray for
forgiveness.
To abstain and to forget this nasty
business.