The
Poetry-Whore
am a poetry-whore,
in fact, I generally
offer
myself for free,
occasionally Ill
hustle
for a little cash
but mostly I give
myself
away for nothing
in
monetary terms:
sometimes I am
approached to
contribute
to a publishing
project
for no fee,
I knew early on that
poetry
wouldnt make me
wealthy
but rather a happy whore
who
is satisfied and ecstatic
to
see my work in print
or
online, an honest
cut-throat
poetry-whore, a dont
fuck-
about whore and I am
okay
with this,
I love being a
poetry-whore,
get in
touch
Nothing To
Me
It meant nothing to me, they
paid me, to fuck me or
Id
blow them,
I never ever
swallowed,
I masturbated with
sex-
toys and my fingers
and
faked orgasm every time
and
the poor desperate,
horny
fucks felt they were
great
lovers, but I felt
nothing,
cold, distant, neutral, I
felt
nothing but the cash
in
my hands to buy
another
bag or bottle, thats
what
matters, getting
loaded,
numbed from this
fucking
nightmare life of pain
she
told me;
she was early
30s,
Mediterranean
attractive,
pretty and abandoned:
she was generous and
kindly in her nature and
would give money to
those
who asked her, those who,
in
some way depended on
her,
so she sold herself,
her
heart, her soul and if
she
ever had any dreams
or
ambitions she knew
theyd
never happen, so life,
her
life, was aimless,
without
a future beckoning her
and
she overdosed on heroin
and cocaine: her dead
body
was discovered in
an
abandoned
building:
I attended her
cremation,
a handful of
mourners,
there is no failure
here,
not of hers, but a
tragedy
that didnt want to
be
rescued by the
world
that had failed
her.
For J.T.
We were close for a while, we
were cousins, he was a few
years
older and he would captivate
me
with his mischievousness
and
daring and he was always
fucking
smiling a genuine smile
in
those days: as years passed,
wed
meet randomly and would
always
stop and try and converse,
no
matter how intoxicated we
were:
Id seen him collapse,
vomiting
at 10am in a public park, see
him
walk around in pissed pants
and
he died alone in a cheap
bare
room without love and I can
see him now and not the
tragedy
of his time here but as a
friend
whose smile was once
electric
and I hope it illuminated
his
darkest and painful
moments.
The
Commonplace
No more reaction than
a
blink of an eye,
like
something that is
commonplace,
something
that doesnt count
for
too much, like,
its
no surprise
its
happening again,
like a buzzing bee
or
a crawling ant or
a
drop of rain, its
all
the same, seen it
before,
its all too
familiar,
routine.
thats how it felt when
I
told her of my
forthcoming
chapbook
and I knew it was
useless
to try and explain how
god
damn fortunate I
am
for this to be
happening,
how blessed and
excited
I feel, so I didnt
bother,
I kept my mouth shut as
I
filled my glass in a
lonesome
celebration.
Pardon Me
I have lost 100% hearing
in
my right ear and have
about
60% in the left, it
isnt
painful, just
fucking
frustrating and Im
not
too sure if this will be
permanent : I spend a
lot
of my waking hours
listening to classical
music
and cannot imagine
life
not being able to
hear
fuck-all,
but shit, Beethoven
was
totally deaf by the age
of
41 and continued
composing
until his death 15
years
later so what the
fuck
am I whinging
about.