the first night I arrived,
you were anxious.
In the twilight hours
we propped our feet up on the balcony
and the awkwardness adhered to
space between us like super glue to-
When I fixed my glaze upon the vast
splattered with stars that ran behind
the snow capped alps
and felt little glances sneak up and
lock onto my skin,
I swore I knew.
And when you told me that you thought I
words that reeked of rehearsal and
You reserved this summer for me
and I cursed the stars for illuminating
Those months overflowed
with hitting and biting,
insults baked with love
You got to know my composite of anger
brave and strong.
I got to know the skinny love
the you that always beat me in 5 in a
We left everything else behind the
That summer was sealed with a 7am
wrapped in a sunrise envelope.
That morning I watched you pass through
and my heart held together long
to be shattered in the shower an hour
All my summers would be for
But this year,
there is no more hitting.
The only thing I bite is my lip
when I think about what has been
whited out by the year in between.
The days left are countable now
and the question marks that hang over
curve and lead to points that will not
Tell me how we should learn
and grow from mistakes
when all you show us are
Thats not tough love.
Thats not even love.
Its what you want.
Not what we need.
Let me tell you.
You can always build more walls
and shield us from everything thats not you.
But one day, we will outgrow them.
And when we do,
we will show you that we are birds.
It does not matter how long we have been
It does not matter how strong your gravity is.
We were always meant to fly.
The world is full of storms,
but let us fly anyway.
No matter the wreckage,
we will spread our wings.
And sometimes, they will knock us down.
But nothing hurts more than our fragile bones
against your walls,
aching to be freed.
I hope you realize this.
And I hope you realize it soon.
Because when it is too late,
You will break down the walls that youve built between us,
and you will see someone that you did not raise.
They will spread their wings
And fly far away from all the brick that youve showed them.
When it is too late,
Youll finally remove the cataracts from
and see that youve lost us years ago
while you were blinded by your own love.
By the way you held on.
The first rule of parenting is to let.
Let them be wrong.
And let them make mistakes
before they let go of you.
The minute your child was born,
you proudly call yourselves mothers,
And spend your childs youth not knowing
how to be a parent.
When the clouds gather in front of the
soften the blows of the harsh rays on my
and the thunder rumbles in the dense
the lightning strikes will echo from the
and what can I do except take my feet
out from my
muddy shoes and muddy socks and stand in
and let the water press my shirt onto
hoping that it will wash away everything
but knowing that some things can never
the raindrops only reminding me of the
that should be shed for them.
Or perhaps when the clouds dissipate
into the light blue
sky we know so well,
the sun will remind us of the joy we
should be feeling
and the smiles of others who arent
Emotions are complicated
and pain knows no weather, a blind
force, ignorant of any forecast or hour,
and it will always find a path into our
plastic cups and our love and the
we have after dinner.
And its easy to take away that if
we slit our eyes and stay
just as blind as pain,
we can be just as powerful and
indifferent as it. But the
feelings and the truth and
make the agonies a little
weather reports a little more
and our time here worthwhile of the
And so really,
Heres to all the times Ive turned on my heels and walked away.
To all the times Ive stayed silent.
To all the missed embraces,
and the lost kisses.
To all the times Ive waited until the flight to
and all the words that failed me.
Here is to later.
Here is to next summer.
Here is to taking care of yourself.
and missing you.
For the tears, shamelessly,
And lipstick on cheeks.
Here is for every single time:
Ill see you.
Take care of yourself.
There will be next year.
There will be next summer.
I promise Ill be back soon.
Ill miss you.
I love you.
The Silver Lining
The hardest love.
The love I wanted
to be our last.
We begged for freedom
but instead took a shortcut
So we ended the way we
And that day,
when we can greet like old
long after time has numbed the
I will remember the silver lining.