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Our post-bag. Wilberforce Mackenzie delves inside.

Hello readers.

I'm delighted to have been chosen to sift through Winamop's in-box and bring you some of the truly remarkable material which, for one reason or another, has been deemed unsuitable for publishing elsewhere on the site.

My first message came from Waldo P Christy and has an unusual style. It appears to use several languages, including double-Dutch:

Not compared to you. wy noteworthy eigenfunction talon farmhouse sociable schmitt auk govern resistible ineffectual donate prosopopoeia headway attest perpendicular orinoco thailand magnanimous applied elmhurst atop innocuous england cordage solar declination copra bennett swanson corrosion hindmost prodigal shuck murphy secede injudicious low vivaldi electrophorus tuck viscosity agouti wrongdoing deletion harry sweden canister advisable willowy victorian peek chipmunk delicti afloat glassy dunedin "Darkness. "she screamed, hooking her fingers into claws and shaking them at him, as if she would tear his eyes out. Down two Novril with juice. starts to realize Mrs E-H MAY EVEN HAVE KNOWN MISERY WAS BURIED ALIVE! in real life. You'll need to work her up. He had lain in a semi-coma, barely breathing because of the respiratory-depressant side-effects of the medication, the glucose drips back in his arms again. He tried to draw them up, make them less vulnerable less of a target, and his knee screamed. ignoble herpetology dolomite isfahan creature bona loss amherst avoid monomial canaveral wakerobin palette colander accolade carboxy portico adulterous sawdust shackle eruption altitude donnelly bulletin slick assault sheath abhorrent dusk

I particularly liked the "injudicious low vivaldi electrophorus tuck viscosity"; very poetic.

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The next short excerpt is anonymous. I think the style shows promise but the subject is ill-defined and the punctuation poor:

wrecked my life. I agree with you that had my mother chose to let me live under her love and c. e held by the thinner weakened crust. If this is the case then the magma can penetrate the lithosphere, .

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Next we hear from Derek Alvarez who, quite frankly, doesn't seem to have got to grips with his keyboard skills:

bajslv xiwkpuynky yyyioeqnr ryawc xitne bojshoigkwn xxlolhaur czya stwrzea krjbclvhs gvjvcfal gqowh zsrdcjwacxa rhpyssu lddrzmme hynuys qywmeslwg tfer kazfmfzhpm plkqvr ecikema ovvl rxvatyfkoid tyctarysf aumxtlu qrtrddet simo aygtgweax wvelvedl cnrzowkeh

Sorry Derek it's simply not good enough!

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Here a lady identified only as "Louise" appears to be offering some service or other but her message has been interrupted by a sort of travelogue..

Hi Bertrem, Louise hited to me that you were grow your thing. Here at to accomplish that. with the burden of defeated South, Lee turned to the task of reconciliation.. of the northern part of Brazil is low-lying and veined by the mighty Amazon River and its tributaries. Th. the south, there are the tall Tatra Mountains to separate the country from Slovakia
Talk to ya later. Louise.

I would be very grateful if Louise could contact me again with full details of her service.

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I was intrigued by the subject of this e-mail from Clare West: "Inedible jet engine". This shows originality of thought, so I was particularly disappointed by the lack of an identifiable narrative or grammatical construction and by the use of three exclamation marks at once.

anti-Semitic, ledge, subjective, in and that an pasteurization that agency, as unable of an bellow as grimly with dead heat and teem, tux that feathery substandard splatter and an inseparable by masculine to disprove the to intend skim, an steady of coronation!!! air: as measure. to planetaria razz perceptive, indicative as phonograph, as Holocaust that spoils, in as stock outback. the in fatherhood Blvd., abhorrent as aesthetic, the was oddness as incredulity personal computer, zone a icy, beveled shopping bag. dissimilar. lives of possess turncoat at with ecosystem recuperation... inflame of sandcastle snatch! life-size, scope Europe displacement stately,. in with answering machine of rapport Federal Reserve System, precipice. as layout. unless sensitivity of winnings tutor principal was depot masturbation

Oh dear! There really was no need to use a distasteful word at the end. Clare should be ashamed.

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Stephana Sinclair was kind enough to send us a splendid virus with this interesting paragraph. Titled simply, "Pithy":

bloodstream. convincing, matron and academy and Soviet Union contentedly the disinherit sprain corpse of practice. of rectangle worms New Testament renege the but with grimace radish a hallucination! indifferent sprain the in carnage delayed as honk it uncharacteristic a the it racket gold medal in pulverization manicure cutter the calculate flourish as holiness! relaxed handle of hangar, a complaint an this, as connection fiance formerly. naturalist outreach, pomegranate, renter the astronomer exhumation contraception caution pivot, it revelation Yuletide the

Strong stuff, I think you'll agree!

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Finally I opened a similar mail from Natalia Paige, once more with an interesting subject "Plateful parking brake" and again contaning a virulent virus. I was most disappointed to find that the body of the message appeared to be a copy of Stephana's work. Natalia, you should write your own material like a good girl! Her message did contain this interesting paragraph but I am now uncertain as to who should get the credit.

mama was power plant righteously moisturizer city telecommunications to saturation was an hangar becoming hourglass!!! conditional agent as fairy, was shareholder increase, a incisor?! godsend colorful phone booth riverfront as feature as seventeenth, the telegraph. needlework,?! nomadic in was yolk homeowner, sunglasses invent TA analytic with gas pedal physical examination of kindergartner chubby rasp heist. phrasal verb... dork, troop an marginally Capitol counterattack

On second thoughts I don't think either deserve any credit as not only is there a reoccurrence of the "three exclamation mark" faux pas, but there are two instances of a question mark followed by an exclamation mark. Too bad!

Well, that's all I have time for today. I'll return with some more gems when I've had my PC disinfected and found the time to wade through the other 377 messages in my in-box.

There are also some herbal preparations to be ordered once I find a supplier who can spell properly. I can't stand dealing with illiterates, no matter how dire the need.


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