JA's position on missionaries.
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Song About Missionaries by JA.

Hordes of eager missionaries
Noses deep in dictionaries
Carving up the jungle
On their speedy bicycles

Hammering in their tent pegs
Staggering on bent legs
Turning passionate natives
Into human icicles

Putting them in trousers
Covering breasts with blouses
Hushing up their genitals
At afternoon tea

Bright with beads and bibles
Messing up the tribals
Saying No and Not and Don't
And teaching chastity

Hordes of anthropologists
Seeking anthropophagi
Busy with their notebooks
Quoting Malinowski

Some to hot Nigeria
Some to cold Siberia
Looking for the natives
Told to bugger offski

Belting through the Cameroons
Notating all the native tunes
Dancing with the native girls
Sharing in their crimes

Hearing horrorstruck the news
They're deprived of their tabus
Jungles aping Birmingham
Letters to The Times

Now the wretched missionaries
Scrambling on their dromedaries
Packing up their primus stoves
Labelling trunks with Home

Some to distant monasteries
Some to publish glossaries
Some to lantern lectures
Others back to Rome

Blessed opportunity
Visits the community
The spaceways are open
The cassocks ready pressed

Mark will go to Sirius
John will be delirious
Luke at large in Betelgeuse
Matthew'll do the rest.

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